Just Our Luck

Just our luck, the Mr’s PC decided to die on Monday morning, followed by our oven! Yep, yet again several big things at once have decided to die on us, you can’t make this shit up!

Thankfully I had some savings aside as we’ve been saving for a car but that means no car for even longer. I’m grateful I had the money there for a chancge, with nobody to ask for help usually these things are near on impossible for us to replace but it still stings.

It’s just our luck, no matter how many steps forward we take, we always end up several steps back again and it’s honestly so frustrating and depressing. I’m so tired of life constantly throwing stresses our way. Is it really too much to ask for life to just calm the fuck down!? Even just for a little bit?

I guess the court case over our car accident in 2021 going in our favour last week is a positive but it’s the only one this year and I’m so tired of living in a constant state of anxiety and depression wondering what will go wrong next. I honestly just want to hide away from the world, responsibilities and being me. I’m struggling to laugh it all off and see any positives right now, I feel like we are just going to be stuck going in circles of stress and shit forever.

It’s even harder knowing the Mr is due an inheritance that would be life changing for us, allow us to buy our first home, a car, decorate and a fresh start, with no clue when it’s due. We’ve tried to chase it up several times now but HMRC are causing delays and we’ve now been waiting a good two years as his dad’s house had to sell before everything could be added up and divided, I’m beginning to feel it’s life’s way of saying ‘HA fuck you, you don’t deserve anything good’.

So there’s today’s blurt of stress and shit.. How’s everyone else doing?

Being The Adult I hoped For

Being the adult I hoped for as a child myself has been one of my biggest drives as a parent. When Eva faced bullying at school I wanted to lose my shit in all honesty. Instead I tried to mediate with the school, agreeing to meetings, emailing back and forth all with little effect on the actual bullying.

I felt lost at this point, I was terrified at the idea of deregistering Eva and ruining her education, knowing school placements are quite limited and with us not having a car again right now, travelling to and from another school would be awkward even if there were suitable placements. I didn’t feel I was up to home ed considering the struggles we had during covid but when Eva and the Mr were followed and he was attacked after Eva had spent months having daily incidents being attacked in all kinds of ways, knew I had to make a decision.

I have been exactly where Eva was, only my mother reacted by screaming at the main culprit (a year 7 boy) in the high street outside of the school, a year 11 girl stepped in to tell her she needed to take it up with the school. When she did this my mother lost it and went for the girl, grabbing and tearing the girls skirt off her. Needless to say I was embarrassed more than I had been being bullied in front of everyone, she was acting no better than the bullies. Obviously the school were less than pleased and it was agreed all round I should deregister and register at another school instead which took months as they didn’t want her anywhere near the school. This definitely wasn’t what I wanted to see Eva go through even if I did feel like going to the school and kicking off.

I decided Eva’s mental health and sense of well being mattered the most, so I informed the school of the incident, declined further meetings and deregistered Eva, notifying the school I planned to home educate with immediate effect. And promptly had a breakdown.

Thankfully with some advice from Martyn, the home ed community and a fantastic tutor willing to try long distance learning with us, so far home ed has been a mostly positive experience. Eva has become a little attached to the Mr and I, which I guess is to be a expected especially after a traumatic event but she has a few friends in the home ed community, works at her own pace, goes shopping, eats out and we plan to start having some educational trips too.

I’m just hoping I’m being the adult I hoped for and Eva is truly happier with how things have worked out! 🤞

An Overdue Catch Up

Hellooooo.. Anybody out there? Quite possible not after all this time haha! Analytics reckon I do still get visitors which is surprising, so I figured I should probably share a little catch up for those long time followers and let you all know I am alive and still here. There’s been quite a lot going on here so I’ll give you a brief (🤣 we know I don’t shut up really) catch up.

An overdue catch up - Me, Eva and Izzy

Home Ed for Eva

I really wanted to pick back up the last time I posted but things spiralled a little and I just had no time or motivation to write. Eva unfortunately didn’t have a great time at secondary, after a fantastic start a group of kids decided to start targeting her on a daily basis. After several meetings and calls with the school and no improvement, followed by Eva and the Mr being followed home one afternoon by the same group of kids who then called on older family members to come out and attack the Mr, I decided enough was enough and deregistered her!

They obviously couldn’t look after her and keep her safe whatever measures they put in place and after realising she made it to year 8 with no recognition or support of her SEN needs alongside their lack of permanent teachers her education and well being was really beginning to suffer all round. We decided home education was probably the best for Eva all round. I won’t deny I was absolutely terrified of making this decision incase it was the wrong one. However, Eva has come a long way across 8 months of home ed, she has a fantastic tutor Julia from DCL Chester who provides workbooks and resources to keep Eva’s knowledge on track so she can sit IGCSE’s.

Crocheted monkey made by Eva

Since we began home ed we’ve worked out which subjects Eva would like to study, her end goal which is to study business and one day launch her own craft/crochet business. She has also picked up crocheting after many years of attempting it and in 8 months has made soooo many toys, admittedly her biggest motivation was to be able to get around my ‘no more teddies’ rule as she can’t part with any she owns and they are growing rapidly! 🙈🤣 I can’t deny her logic, she knows I won’t make her pass them on if she’s made them herself! Alongside this she is becoming a pro in the kitchen, she has mastered a lot of basic meals and regularly makes Swedish meatballs and gravy for our lunch, her home made burgers are amazing and her confidence is building each time she sees an empty plate!

Swedish meat balls, chips, peas and creamy gravy made by Eva

It’s been a rough 8 months adjusting I won’t lie, the lack of rest means I’m permanently exhausted, even more than usual especially as she is such a chatterbox, dealing with the LA had me in a panic but thankfully with Martyn and Julia on hand we were given the all clear and asked for an update at the end of the year.

Eva at flip out

We have made some friends in the home ed community though which has been lovely especially as Eva was scared to try making new friends after her best friend stabbed her in the back but she’s slowly gaining confidence again and loves her visits to rock up, flip out/jump giants and in the summer we went to the cinema with them a lot too which kept us busy!

Gaming

I’m still a bit obsessed with gaming right now but our server on dayz came to an end and I’ve moved on to Elder Scrolls online and naturally I live there most days. There is a fantastic community and I’ve joined a great guild called Mutiny on the EU Xbox server, I spend most of my time helping other guild members, harvesting resources, killing stuff for fun and I’ve even been dabbling in some PvP! I absolutely suck at pvp I won’t lie but I love my lazy, noobish one bar build and zapping people in between dying a billion times myself haha!

I also played Fallout 76 for a bit and loved playing around building and rebuilding my camps but since I started playing ESO it feels a little clunky so I’m struggling to get back into it.

Life

Outside of these, general life has been pretty up and down for us, as always! The Mr has had a rough time losing his dad and sister fairly close together, whilst he hasn’t spoken to them for sometimes it still hit hard. He is due an inheritance from his dad but had to wait for the house to sell and we are still waiting to hear from the solicitor when he will received the funds. When he does we can hopefully buy a house, car, furniture etc and have a fresh start which I am looking forward to!

Izzy has been struggling with anxiety and challenging behaviour, I’m still certain she’s Audhd and PDA but whenever I raise this with school staff suddenly her behaviour isn’t an issue, ‘isn’t every day’ so no cause for concern. Having been fobbed off at the start with Eva it’s no surprise really, I get teachers have a lot to do already, the idea of yet more paperwork to support yet another diagnosis must feel rubbish but I do wish they considered how this impacts the child going forward. With no support I do worry she will start to have more issues in school, especially when she hits secondary school. Because of this I’ve started to consider the fact she may end up best off home educated too, but we will see how things go.

My health is still as wobbly as ever hence hiding in gaming a lot. I’m using a walking stick when I go out to steady myself as my balance is awful especially on uneven ground. My heads also as wobbly as ever but I’m doing my best to try not to spiral when I notice I’m heading that way. Keeping busy in game has been a big help to be honest.

So there’s your overdue catch up, how’s everyone else been?

My Name Is Ten By Colleen Macmahon

I received My Name is Ten By Colleen Macmahon to read and review thanks to Random Things Blog Tours. My Name is Ten is a dystopian thriller set in 2092 following a young girls time at The Kennels where she may be executed.

My Name Is Ten

She has six weeks. Six weeeks to be chosen or to die…

2092 and the world has been left scorched by the catastrophic solar eruptions of 2025 and turned larely into desert. The competition for resources is firce and often brutal. The young, healthy and fertile are commodities prized for their resilience and reproductive potential; they are bed, bought and traded by the wealthy elite and discarded when no longer of use.

When 17 year old Akara – once a pampered and highly valued Protégé – loses both her physical perfection and her documents, she is incarcerated in The Kennels. If she is not adopted she faces extermination.

Or possibly worse.

Colleen Macmahon

Colleen MacMahon is an English actress, artist and award winning author of short stories. She has narrated audiobooks, designed book covers, written plays for theatre groups and taught and mentored children, young adults and so-called grown ups. She lives in the beautiful Devon countryside with three dogs, a lot of wildlife, and a (mostly) patient partner who spends an unreasonable amount of time sorting out her technical messes. 

My Name Is Ten is her debut novel and she is currently working on its sequel.

My Thoughts

I spotted the invite for this tour and was intrigued by the name and felt a dystopian thriller would change up my reading a little bit. I am so glad I did as I really enjoyed I am Ten. The story begins with Akara in The Kennels, awaiting her judgment, reflecting on her life. Colleen Macmahon writes in such detail you almost feel as though you are right there. With such a unique storyline I hope Colleen Macmahon writes more books like this. I think either as a series or standalone stories they would make a great collection!

Best Served Cold By Gabriel Galletti

I received Best Served Cold by Gabriel Galletti, a crime thriller, to review thanks to Random Things Blog Tours.

Best served cold by Gabrielle Galletti

Best Served Cold

Revenge is a dish best served cold.”

Grudges harboured and hatreds hidden but not forgotten.

Then a catalyst ignites the flame…
Someone in Leeds is settling old scores.

The Police ask Chad Hilton, an ex-pro footballer turned criminal profiler, for help. But his wife’s infidelity and his addiction to painkillers are pushing him close to the edge.

As the body count rises, can Chad uncover the murderer before his demons destroy him?

Gabriel Galleti

It’s said that everyone has a book in them…But do they?

After a forty year career in business spanning four continents, Gabriel Galletti
sat at the keyboard and began to write. Could he do it? Indeed should he do it?

One Pandemic and three lockdowns later, and with huge assistance from Cornerstones Literary Agency and fantastic thriller writers Mark Leggatt and Neil Broadfoot, all Gabriel’s passions – Yorkshire, Crime Thrillers and
Leeds United have come together to produce his debut novel Best Served Cold.


Best Served Cold is the first in a series set in Leeds and
introducing Chad Hilton as the flawed ex-footballer turned profiler.

My Thoughts

From the get go it felt a little like I was reading a different version of House! Another pain riddled, painkiller addicted answer seeker, and I was not disappointed.

Chad Hilton is an ex footballer helping police as a criminal profiler on a murder case, things very quickly pick up speed with a missing persons case possibly linked, but how!? Not to mention the stress and strains from his personal life that also take a dark turn!

As Chad battles his own demons he works tirelessly to solve the case he is working on, but can he figure it all out in time, kick his addiction and save his relationship?

I really enjoyed Best Served Cold and knowing it is the first in the series I will definitely be on the lookout for the rest of the series as they are released!

Happier Dayz as the !!!!!Live And Let Die Trader

I’ve been so quiet here lately and for once it’s not because I’m hiding in a bout of depression! We’ve been watching The Running Manz on YouTube for a few years now, he plays a game called Dayz, a zombie survival game. I’m not really a gamer but Paul is so funny and there is just so much to the game it got me and the Mr interested!

The girls got an Xbox for Christmas but barely used it so I figured I’d try out Dayz, I sucked and kept getting killed by zombie but I was hooked and loved hunting for what I needed around the map. When you die you respawn with a glow stick, bandage and piece of fruit and you have to find everything from food, clothes, weapons, building materials etc.

I bought it for the Mr on pc too hoping to play together but then we realised it isn’t cross platform so we both just kept trying out official servers and whilst we had fun we didn’t really get too far with any of our characters, lasting maybe a day or so at a time.

During school runs the Mr mentioned to Eva’s friends parents we had been trying out Dayz and they played too on Xbox so I joined them and they discovered an awesome server called Racoon City UK which recently change to Live And Let Die as it seems the name is used by a few servers and some were upset with us having the same name, we decided it was much simpler to change the name than end up in a silly war.

We instantly got down to business building a base, raided someone else’s who then raided us and over time I found myself spending most of my days killing zombies, looting and setting myself challenges like gathering logs and planks to build bigger bases, eventually we had to start trading to empty out a bit! Naturally I spent a lot of time winding up my friend too when he was annoying, like the time I moved the crates and dropped them everywhere knowing he likes them neat and tidy haha!

Community Trader

With the latest update to Dayz the server needed to wipe clean, all bases gone, everyone starts fresh at the coast so our awesome admin decided to create a safe zone so people could get themselves settled in, especially if new to the game, he even added houses for people to have some storage that can’t be raided. He created a friendly little community, outside of the safe zone is kill on sight anywhere though so you don’t lose that pvp feel and having to watch your back. It’s a fun server with very few rules, just don’t be a dick!

In the safe zone I now have a warehouse for my trading with items that spawn in which we sell for nails, people can easily find in the trucks loaded with building items all around the map, giving people a good start without making things so easy they get bored. It’s such a great little server all round to be honest and always something random happening!

The full Xbox community server name is below if you would like to join me. Feel free to come say hi, I’m always wearing a purple bandana and now a green arm band and occasionally a pumpkin head whilst dancing around stupidly! 😁

!!!!!LIVE AND LET DIE/CUSTOM MAP/SZ/Trader discord.gg/sW7WXFFqZ5

Happier Dayz

It’s crazy how much I have gotten into this game, it just had so much going for it and it’s actually helped me so much with my health and mental health too. I’m no longer spending my days stressed, worrying and over thinking because I’m busy helping people or hunting or building or even planting pumpkins and doing a rain dance. I’m not pushing myself physically, I can stay sat in one place longer now and I hurt less for it, I’m sleeping a little better because of it all too.

This week I’d usually be a pacing stressed mess, Eva’s presents haven’t all arrived in time, people are unsure if they can visit on the day or come for the meal we have planned but I realise I can’t solve it all and just taking it as it comes, I’ve apologised and explained everything to Eva and she seems to be taking it well, she does at least have some new art supplies and a tonne of vbucks for fortnite which should last her at least 10 seconds haha! My anxiety seems to have calmed a little, definitely not completely but enough to no longer feel I need to chase help. I’m accepting my limits and enjoying Dayz when I reach them and realising that having something for me is a good thing, plus I get to wear purple! 😁💜

Do you have a game that you really enjoy and makes you feel happier? Have you ever played Dayz before?

The Way Of The Worm By Ramsey Campbell

I received The Way Of The Worm by Ramsey Campbell to read and review thanks to random things blog tours. This is book 3 in the Three Births of Daoloth Trilogy, a fantastic modern horror that really sucks you in.

The Way Of The Worm

The present day, or something very like it. Dominic Sheldrake has retired from lecturing and lives on his own. His son Toby is married with a small daughter. The occultist Noble family are more active than ever. Their cult now openly operates as the Church of the Eternal Three,and has spread worldwide. The local branch occupies the top floors of Starview Tower, a Liverpool waterfront skyscraper.

To Dominic’s dismay, Toby and his wife Claudine are deeply involved in it, and he suspects they are involving their small daughter Macy too.
Dominic lets his son persuade him to attend a meeting of the church, where he encounters all three generations of the Nobles. Although Christian Noble is almost a century old, he’s more vigorous than ever– inhumanly so. The
family takes turns to preach an apocalyptic sermon that hints at dark secrets masked by the Bible and at the future that lies in wait.

In a bid to investigate further Dominic undergoes the rite the church offers its members, which confers the ability to travel psychically through time. Before he’s able to flee
back to the present he has a vision of the monstrous fate that’s in store for the world.
Dominic discovers a secret he’s sure the Nobles won’t want to be made public. Although he has retired from the police, Jim helps him establish the truth, and Roberta publishes it on her online blog. It’s the subject of a court
case, the results of which seem to defeat the Nobles, only for them to return in a dreadfully transformed shape.

Now Dominic and his friends are at their mercy,and is there anywhere in the world to hide? Even if they manage somehow to deal with the Nobles, there may be no escaping or preventing the alien apocalypse that all the events of the trilogy have been bringing ever closer…

Ramsey Campbell

Ramsey Campbell was born in Liverpool in 1946 and
now lives in Wallasey. He has received the Grand Master
Award of the World Horror Convention, the Lifetime
Achievement Award of the Horror Writers Association,
the Living Legend Award of the International Horror
Guild and the World FantasyLifetime Achievement
Award. In 2015 he was made an Honorary Fellow of Liverpool John Moores University for outstanding services to literature.


His first book was published by the legendary Arkham House when he was eighteen years old. His later work draws on the British and American traditions of horror fiction. It ranges from the psychological to the ghostly,
the subtly uncanny to the cosmic, the quietly disquieting to the terrifying, the poignant to the darkly comic.

His Flame Tree books include Thirteen Days by
Sunset Beach, in which afamily on holiday encounters an ancient horror on a Greek island,and Think Yourself Lucky, where the internet lets loose the monsters lurking within people just like us. In Somebody’s Voice a writer
finds his memoryand personality threatened by trying to write the memoir of a victim of abuse. The Three Births of Daoloth trilogy– The Searching Dead, Born to the Dark and The Way of the Worm – pits three childhood friends
against a terror as vast as time and space.
Three of Campbell’s novels have been filmed – The Influence (available from FLAME TREE PRESS), Pact of the Fathers and The Nameless (in development as a Netflix series). He reviewed films for the local BBC for nearly forty years, and is presently working on an appreciation of the Three Stooges, Six Stooges and Counting. A new supernatural novel, Fellstones, is in progress too.

My Thoughts

Ramsey Campbell really draws you into his world of horror, I couldn’t put The Way of The Worm down! A storyline unlike any other I’ve read, Dominic and his friends just can’t let Toby, Claudine and Macy get wrapped up in a religious cult they suspect is run by the same monster they came up against years ago. My heart was racing hoping Dominic and his friends could somehow persuade Toby to see who or what their religious leader really was before something could happen to his granddaughter.

Shadow Flicker

I received Shadow Flicker by Gregory Bastianelli to review thanks to Random Things Blog Tours.

Shadow Flicker

Investigator Oscar Basaran travels to Kidney Island off the coast of Maine to document the negative effects of shadow flicker from wind turbines on residents living near the windmills, but is unprepared for what he encounters from the islanders. Oscar’s research shows that sleep deprivation, light deficiency and ringing headaches brought on by the noise and constant strobe-like effect of the sun filtered through the spinning blades of the turbines brings on hallucinatory episodes for the closest neighbors to the machines.


Melody Larson’s elderly father nearly chokes to death after stuffing dandelion heads into his mouth. The Granberrys’ pregnant cow repeatedly runs headlong into a fence post. Tatum Gallagher mourns her young son
who vanished more than a year ago, presumed swept out to sea by a wave while fishing on the rocky shore, but several people claim to see him appear only in the glimmer of the shadow flicker.


Aerosource, the energy corporation that owns the turbines, hired Oscar to investigate the neighbors’ claims, but the insurance agent shows no allegiance to the conglomerate, especially after learning a previous
employee sent to the island a year before has disappeared without a trace.
When Oscar meets former island school science teacher Norris Squires, fired for teaching his students about the harmful effects of shadow flicker, he learns a theory regarding Aerosource that sounds too preposterous to
believe.
While it seems the shadow flicker effect has driven some of the island’s animals crazy, is it possible it’s caused an even worse mental breakdown among the human inhabitants? Or is something more nefarious at work on
the island?

As Oscar’s investigation deepens, he discovers the turbines create an unexpected phenomena kept secret by a select group of people on Kidney Island who have made a scientific breakthrough and attempt to harness its
dark power.

My Thoughts

I thoroughly enjoyed Shadow Flicker, I really enjoy a good horror that actually creeps you out a little because it’s almost believable. I love Stephen King and Ramsey Campbell and this is definitely a long those lines and a book I would recommend to fans of these authors too!

Gregory Bastianelli

Gregory Bastianelli is the author of the novels Snowball, Loonies and Jokers Club. Horrornews.net described him as the ‘messiah of macabre.’ His stories have appeared in the magazines Black Ink Horror, Sinister Tales and Beyond Centauri; the anthologies Night Terrors II, Cover of Darkness and Encounters;and the online magazines Absent Willow Review and Down in the Cellar. His novella The Lair of the Mole People appeared in the pulp anthology Men & Women of Mystery Vol. II.

Gregory graduated from the University of New Hampshire where he studied writing. He worked for nearly two decades at a small daily newspaper where
the highlights of his career were interviewing shock rocker Alice Cooper and B-movie icon Bruce Campbell.
He became enchanted with the stories of Ray Bradbury as a young child,band his love of horror grew with the likes of Richard Matheson, Robert Bloch, Stephen King and Ramsey Campbell.

He lives in Dover, New Hampshire. He enjoys kayaking, hiking and cycling in the summer and snowshoeing and racquetball in the winter. Along with spending time with family, he enjoys traveling, especially to Italy where he
has visited his ancestral home and relatives residing there and hiked the Path of the Gods on the Amalfi Coast and to the top of Mt. Vesuvius.
He is a member of the Horror Writers Association and the New England Horror Writers. You can find out more about his work at gregorybastianelli.com.

The Better Brother by Simon Gravatt

I received The Better Brother by Simon Gravatt to review thanks to Random Things Blog Tours, a story of two brothers wrapped in dark humour.

The Better Brother

Michael Merriweather despises his brother. He never wants to see Jack again. But then their father dies
and leaves a will that requires the warring siblings to run the family funeral business together as a
condition of them receiving their inheritance. As a result, the brothers face a series of difficult decisions
that will change their lives.


Michael and Jack are at each other from the word go. Their opposing views on how to run the business
descends into a very personal conflict that will have catastrophic consequences. Soon, all that matters to
each of them is a burning desire to come out on top and prove himself to be the better brother.


Layers of festering resentment are gradually unpeeled in this darkly comic tale of sibling rivalry, laced with
the power, passion, reprisals and everyday friction of family business.

My Thoughts

It’s been a while since I read a book quite so amusing considering it begins with the death of the main characters father! Sibling rivalries are always amusing but rarely do you find a book quite like this. I really enjoyed reading about the two different personalities, seeing two totally different people from the same family has always intrigued me and I was curious which brother really would come out on top!

Simon Gravatt

Simon Gravatt is a first-time novelist who lives in South London. He’s drawn from personal experience as a brother and business owner to write his tale of sibling rivalry and the combustibility of small business. Simon is married with two adult children.

The Cactus Surgeon: Using Nature To Fix A Faulty Brain By Hannah Powell

I received The Cactus Surgeon: Using Nature to Fix a Faulty Brain by Hannah Powell to review thanks to Random Things Blog Tours. I was looking forward to reading this as I often feel like being a busy polluted area makes my health worse, I was intrigued to see if moving and spending more time surrounded by nature really did help.

The Cactus Surgeon

Living in London, Hannah suffered burnout and was diagnosed with a functional neurological disorder. With no information available to help her, she found her own way to get better.

Growing up in a garden centre, her childhood was full of nature and plants. This was in stark contrast to the concrete of the capital, where she became unwell. In searching for the answers to her illness, she wonders whether being torn from her pot and replanted in a more hostile environment was the reason her body started to malfunction.

After seeking out alternative therapies, and moving to the countryside of North Essex, her ‘green recovery’ continued.

It’s a book of mindful moments, savouring the small wonders of nature

My Thoughts

Hannah Powell starts by explaining where her burnout began, how busy her life was in the lead up to her ill health. It’s a stark contrast to the childhood she then goes on to share with her readers and it’s easy to see why reverting back to a greener way of life both appealed and made sense as a way of therapy/treatment for how ill Hannah had become and how by doing so this improved other areas of her life too. It was lovely reading about her life in North Essex as its not too far from me and reminded me it’s not all grey and horrible here too!

Hannah Powell

Hannah Powell (née Bourne) is Communications and HR Director for the Perrywood Garden Centres she runs with her dad and two brothers. When she was six years old, she wanted to be a cactus surgeon.

Before coming back into the family business, she had a successful career in PR and marketing, running high-profile campaigns for clients, including Barclaycard and Domino’s Pizza. She was part of the team that launched Global Entrepreneurship Week, an annual campaign to encourage young people to set up businesses worldwide.

She now lives in North Essex with her husband, daughter and many plants.

thecactussurgeon.com