A huge sigh of relief

I can finally breath a huge sigh of relief! The last few weeks have been so damn stressful it’s unreal! I’ve been stressing about my ESA assessment decision almost constantly, we had to make such a tough decision and re home the cat’s knowing whatever the outcome we just can’t afford the extra cost’s any more, we’ve had several problems with the refit the council are doing and 2 kids at home with it all going on this half term (which of course has been miserable!) has just been utter chaos!

Getting a call yesterday morning from a number I didn’t know freaked me out and I almost rejected but I am so glad I didn’t!

It turned out to be the person finalising my ESA decision which initially made me panic even more as I was convinced I would be refused but I spoke to such a lovely lady and after a chat and adding on a little more information about the side affects I’m having from my medication she made the decision to award me ESA for the next year!

Honestly I was gob smacked I’ve heard so many depressing stories and anything that involves the job centre has always gone badly for us so to finally be taken seriously and have all that stress lifted had me almost in tears with relief as I thanked the lady on the phone.

When she explained I had originally only been given 6 points based on my anxiety and I would have been refused as I needed 15 to pass I nearly passed out but after explaining the nasty side affects of my medication to her and how things have worsened in general she had decided to award me full points!

My assessment was based on my chronic pain which without the medication side affects they see me as fit for work. My depression was basically ignored because I told them that although I have attempted suicide a few times in the past, knowing I have a family now I wouldn’t be able to bring myself to attempt it again knowing the emotional and financial impact it would have on them. My anxiety was at least considered severe enough to be awarded some points but looking at the overall picture it’s horrible to think how many people in a similar or even a worse situation would be refused and deemed fit for work!

I know I am extremely lucky to be given this break and I appreciate it so much being able to just focus on my health and my family for the next year and I’m hoping in this year I learn to manage everything better so one of us can go back to work and we can start saving and getting somewhere at last!

Feeling good

This week has been absolutely crazy but I’m feeling good. We finally saved enough Amazon credit from Surveys to order the girls beds for Christmas after working hard on surveys the last few months between us. It turns out we ordered just in time as we managed to get the last one before the bed was discontinued! HUGE sigh of relief as it’s something I had been panicking over constantly. In fact I’ve been panicking so much the Mr waited to tell me until he had confirmation from the seller of the date and time of delivery and that they definately had one in stock for us before telling me it was being discontinued and we had the last one!

We have really struggled financially over the last few years and christmas is always a last minute rush & extremely stressful. Luckily our money has been back in place a few weeks so we’ve slowly managed to clear the bills that were building up and this week we have had a little bit of spare money to get the girls some presents. This is the earliest we’ve ever done our christmas shopping so it feels like a great achievment and a huge weight off of our shoulders.

I had already bought a few presents for Eva over the last few months but we also managed to get a good few items from their ‘I want’s’ Christmas wish list’s (Thanks tiny pop & youtube!) today and plan to get a few more bits as we can over the last few weeks leading up to christmas! I still need to finish off their christmas eve sacks with PJ’s, slippers, and a christmas story. (Feel free to offer any recommendations). I also need to buy Eva a shopkins playset from Izzy as I managed to a get peppa pig playset in morrisons today from Eva to Izzy.

I ache like crazy, Ive had several meltdowns across the week BUT  sitting and wrapping the girls presents and watching the pile grow knowing how excited they will be and the joy as they discover what lies beneath the paper christmas morning make it worth it. I can’t wait until christmas day & knowing that in the last week leading up to christmas I can sit back and relax playing with my girls, getting them excited with christmas crafts, songs & films without rushing around panicking last minute is the reason im sitting here with a smile on my face.