Having A Carer At 27 Years Old

Having a carer isn’t something I expected to happen at 27 years old. I suffer from Chronic back pain, Sciatica, Depression, Anxiety & apparently (yet to be diagnosed) PTSD.  Due to my ESA being refused after 2 years receiving it, we have had to look at other options. I simply can’t cope with a tribunal, talking to strangers, going through my weaknesses yet again. It is honestly soul destroying, my mental health isn’t at a point where I can fight a battle like that.

For the first time in almost 8/9 years I felt suicidal again. I genuinely felt my family would be better off without me. I  thought about facing a tribunal but because I know it will be a struggle to attend, explain myself & I didn’t want to put the whole family through several more months of stress. Instead we have had to look at other ways to get by & as part of that, the Mr is now officially my Carer.

Having a Carer
Photo by lalesh aldarwish from Pexels

My Carer

Anyone that knows me well will know the Mr has been caring for me fully for the past 3-4 years. We never made that official on paper but it has been the case since Izzy was around a year old. I began to struggle to lift her, the pain would cause me to lose my vision. Things got worse & I know me fighting it & trying to appear healthy did more damage. It took a long time for me to accept I couldn’t manage a lot of daily tasks.

The Mr has done so much for us over the years, kept me going during my lowest points, making sure I take my medications, book & attend appointments, reminding me I have to eat at least twice a day, helping me up, chores I can’t manage, shopping, school runs & so much more that it makes sense for him to finally be my Carer on paper. I often joke about being useless without the Mr & it’s completely true, we’ve had our ups & downs but as my health has declined he has gone above & beyond to help me any way he can.

A Shock & Relief

Receiving the award letter was both a relief and a slight ‘oh’ moment though. As I said to the Mr, ‘This means you’re officially the adultier adult!’. I panicked slightly then, realising I had fully admitted I need help & a carer for at least 35 hours a week. It’s one thing having that help, it’s another seeing it written down on paper.

Once I calmed down it made me realise a few things. Whilst the DWP left me feeling useless & worthless, I do genuinely need the help and whilst ESA may be a nightmare to have awarded due to the shocking state of the system, we are entitled to something! It’s been a rough 2 months with barely any money coming in so it was a relief for the Mr to be awarded & paid carers allowance. I realised I am not admitting defeat like I first thought. Instead, I’m accepting help to enable me to get through day to day life smoothly.

Daily Life

Since my ESA was refused daily life has been a bit upside down. I’ve really struggled to do anything I enjoy, including blogging; feeling guilty for letting the family down. Now we have another solution I don’t feel so bad. I know we are on a low income because of me, my mental & physical health but knowing the Mr’s help is now at least recognised I feel a little less like it’s all on my shoulders. Knowing we have some kind of income other than my PIP is a huge relief. Even though I make it difficult because neither of us can work, I feel a little better. It’s tough being ill, it’s even tougher asking for & accepting help but I think in a way I will find it a little easier to ask for help now & not just from the Mr.

 

 

DIY Daddy

 

 

Steroid Injection Countdown

After finally getting a pain management referral late last year I met my consultant who was amazing and completely understood everything I said, after being ignored and doubted so much over the year’s this was a huge relief!

Steroid Injection

Steroid Injections

The consultant decided steroid injections may help so I am booked in for 8th March for 3 steroid injections. I’m beginning to feel extremely nervous the closer the appointment gets if I am honest. I’ve decided to call the night before and request to be put to sleep. I had a huge needle phobia growing up but obviously us mum’s get jabbed quite a bit when we have babies so I quickly learnt not to fear the needle so much. However.. the thought of the size of these needles has put the fear back in me!

I am so afraid I will jump when the needles go in and cause problems by doing so. I would much rather be asleep so they can be done carefully and properly without me being a wimp and jumping all over the place. You’d think I’d be able to deal with the pain of a needle considering I am pretty much in pain 24/7. I guess it is a different type of pain which is why I don’t deal with it so well.

The other thing that worries me is that it isn’t just one injection, I’m booked in for three! I will be having a Lumbar epidural steroid injection and bilateral sacroiliac injections. After this my consultant will see how the injections affect me and go from there.

I’d love to hear from other spoonies/chronic pain sufferer’s about their experiences with steroid injections. If you have had these done please get in touch 🙂 If you have a post about them feel free to send me a link too!