I’ve Crashed. I Need A Reboot Button.

I’ve crashed. I need a reboot button. My anxiety has hit me hard today. My brain is all messy and I need to write to get it out. I wasn’t going to post today but it feels like the only thing I can do right now.

Why have I crashed? A simple appointment. Contractors coming in to check the ventilation system. It wouldn’t have been a problem for most people but having yet more worker in set me off badly. We’ve had so many rude workers come in who act like I don’t exist. I know my flat is owned by the council but I do pay rent and service charges, surely that gives me some say in what goes on?

The worker’s who came in luckily were alright this time but the idea of the mess and having to repaint any damage etc. really got to me, If you have been following my blog for a while you may remember we had a Kitchen, Bathroom & Toilet refit. Well the places they needed access to was behind all the lovely freshly painted boards.

For almost a year now my flat has looked DREADFUL. I’m really struggling with it now. I just need everything finished. Luckily the workmen listened and seem to understand a little and worked with us to resolve the issues and get the job done. There was no mess or damage in the end thankfully. Once they left though I was almost in tears. The day has just been too much.

I’d waited since 8am and they finally turned up at 12.40pm then had to return an hour later with more parts. I panicked about when they would be back knowing the Mr was doing the afternoon school run as I’d already knackered myself out doing the morning. Being home on my own with work going on gives me panic attacks.

At our old house a worker decided to threaten to punch the Mr for pointing out his shabby work & requesting it to be redone. I ended up having to lock the doors when he went to his van because his threats & temper scared me so much. I really freaked out as he started banging the doors and shouting so I called the estate agents to get him to leave the property and eventually he did. With it just being me and a toddler Eva at the time I freaked out and locked us in the play room just in case whilst I made the calls & got the Mr to come home. Ever since I’ve panicked about workers coming in.

The Mr was just leaving when they came back so it was a little easier as he let them in when the knock made me jump. They got on with the work and were back out the door quite quickly but as soon as they were I almost cried. I felt dizzy and weak. A full on crash. I hate how anxiety leaves me so exhausted whilst my heart feels like it’s going to jump out of my chest.

I've crashedI’ve crashed

I really need this CBT to start. I’ve crashed again & it’s getting ridiculous. The most simplest stupidest things have me on edge worrying over a million possibilities and feeling ridiculous. It’s hard when you know you are worrying over thing’s that are absolutely ridiculous or impossible but can’t stop. I want my life back. I need to stop worrying about EVERYTHING and having these crashes.

The worst part is I’m finding it hard to chat to people again so I feel even worse. I only rant to 1 or 2 trusted people and over the last week or 2 I’ve even struggled to do that. I keep trying to jump in then panic and feel lost and don’t know what to say so I hide again. I’m sick of this. I am a lively hyper happy person usually but with chronic pain, anxiety & depression fucking me up I don’t feel like me anymore.

Other than waiting for CBT and Pain Psychologist appointment’s I don’t know what to do. I just want to feel like me, I’d like to wake up and make that important call. I want to wake up & not panic Eva will be late when she is NEVER late! I panic about so many stupid little things from the second I wake up & I just want my brain to shut up.

The worst part is today actually wasn’t that bad in the end yet I still feel so upset & drained. I feel ridiculous for getting so worked up over something so simple. I’ve probably left the blokes thinking I am a complete freak but I couldn’t stop my panic attacks. I really wish I could just hit reboot & be me again.

FUCK YOU ANXIETY.

 

A Crazy Few Weeks

It’s been a crazy few weeks after I discovered last Wednesday I was entitled to PIP when I woke up and checked my bank account. A letter followed that afternoon. I didn’t quite know how to feel to be honest so I’ve been a bit quiet on the blog. I was quite relieved to have the back payment and be able to sort a few thing’s we needed but at the same time it made me feel quite low. My Anxiety & Depression have spiralled our of control because of Chronic Pain at the moment that I need this just to help me do simple things and make life a little less stressful!

I’ve found it hard to write or join in properly on twitter again which is quite frustrating but I’m feeling a little bit better about everything now and trying to focus on the positives.

It’s been a struggle to get out and about for month’s thanks to anxiety and pain making my life hell. I’ve been able to get taxi’s over the last week or so, something I usually avoid because of the cost. It’s been quite nice to go out and not hurt instantly from walking there or panicking about missing a bus or train. I have a lot of different appointments coming up with CBT, Psychology etc. It’s difficult having to go alone as the Mr has to look after the girls. Now I know it won’t be half as stressful going alone as I can take a taxi and not be late or stood waiting in the cold for up to 30 minutes!

I’ve been able to sort storage for the girls room so they have no excuse for it to be too messy. Hopefully saving my back from hours of tidying. Something I stress about regularly. I feel a bit guilty as I should have a quick tidy in there every day but I struggle to keep up with it all, hopefully now the girls will know where to put everything and keep it cleaner.

I decided to treat myself a little to try and make me feel a bit better about myself. I had my hair cut last week and then the Mr dyed it for me with my usual Schwarzkopf XXL Live Mystic Purple dye! He even did my brothers hair too which made Alex happy. It’s definitely made me feel a little less-self conscious being purple again.

a crazy few weeks

I bought a dinner table so we can eat properly at a table as a family, great for Family dinner’s! My brother Alex has found our family dinner’s give him a sense of normality and family life he missed out on growing up and he loves that. It’s nice for me too as I rarely see anyone these day’s, now it will be much easier so we can do it more often.

Although our day out this half term didn’t quite go as planned as 360 Play in Basildon were full and had to turn us away, the girls had fun in the arcades at Hollywood Bowl. I was a bit gutted but also quite grateful as the noise in the arcades was bad enough! I felt pretty anxious but with my brother there I managed to stick it out long enough for the girls to have fun.

Martyn & the boys came over this week too for a Greek day, it turned into a not so Greek day with only shields and swords being completed.. me playing with bubble wrap and paint may not have helped haha! It was a rather noisy busy day all round but it was nice to have a catch up and the girls obviously had lots of fun.

Today Eva is off at a Disney Princesses and Princes workshop at the Thameside Theatre run by Creative blast. I surprised her and kept the day a secret right up until the last minute when I pulled her Elsa dress out and explained what she would be doing. She was a little confused at first bless her as she thought I had something important to do haha! The lady at the desk explained what would happen across the day and Eva got excited, even more so when she had her dress on! At the end of the day they are putting on a show which we will go and watch 20 minutes before the end of the day at 4pm. The day only cost £22.50 and it was a fairly small group of kids so I’m sure Eva will have lots of fun getting involved with the others!

 

I Thought Being Around Would Make You Feel Worse

I thought being around would make you feel worse. Actual words I never thought I’d hear from a friend. It’s funny what people assume when you have chronic pain. How could having a long time friend message me or visit me make me feel worse than being pretty much ignored for 3 years?

It got me thinking though, is that what people really think when you have chronic pain or any kind of debilitating illness? Do they really think we just literally want to sit alone all day not talking to anyone at all? Do they really believe we will feel worse chatting to someone? As I told my friend, I am still able to chat and have a cuppa. Isn’t that what friends do?

It would be lovely to have a friend round occasionally to distract me from the pain. I live 5 minutes away from our nearest town. I can (slowly) walk to a café or Subway for lunch and a chat. How even sending me messages would make me feel so awful. I’m in pain, not dead!

Yes, I struggle with going out both physically and mentally but it’s a bit different meeting a friend you have known for over 10 years, why on earth wouldn’t I want to at least chat on Facebook or meet up? I chat on twitter a fair bit, admittedly there are day’s I’ll just like everything but even then it’s nice to be included.

To think someone would think it would make me feel ‘angry’ that I couldn’t do stuff like before simply by seeing a friend is honestly ridiculous! If I was in hospital with a broken bone or an infection people would come to check I’m ok so why because I live with this pain day in day out would someone honestly think it was best to just ignore me completely!?

I actually felt worse after that text in all honesty. It came across very much as now she’s hurt herself and lonely I should forget the fact she’s ignored me. Now she’s struggling and needs a friend. Normally I’d be sympathetic but in this situation I simply can’t be. I haven’t been anywhere, I’m always reachable and she regularly drives past and pops up as nearby on Facebook.

If you have a friend with any kind of chronic pain or disability please STAY IN TOUCH!

Go see them, yes it’s hard adjusting but it’s much easier with extra support and a friend by your side. They may cancel plans like going out because they feel rough, that fine. Go buy a ton of yummy junk food or order in a takeaway and sit with them. Watch a film, chat absolute rubbish with them, I guarantee you’ll be making them feel much better and more able to cope with their pain.

 

Lung Infection & Lupus – Worrying About My Baby Brother

I’ve been worrying about my baby brother over the weekend. Most of you will know from some of my posts and tweets Alex is a big part of my life so to get a panicky call from him on Saturday and hearing him seriously struggling to breath left me worrying, A LOT. As well as struggling to breath he’s had these strange ring rashes appear which look very much like Lupus.

Alex had tried and struggled to go to his nearest shop and rung me worried, he didn’t want to walk to the hospital ‘in case it was a waste of time’. He suggested waiting until the morning..  So I put my Mummy voice on and insisted at the very least he call 111 for some advice.

Panicking

As soon as I put my phone down I began to panic, Alex doesn’t have the greatest immune system and has weak lungs from being born prematurely, he also suffers from Asthma. Temperatures were below 0 and I was worried he would get worse but luckily he did what he was told and called 111. An ambulance was sent out to him and the paramedics decided he needed to go to hospital. His heart rate and irregular breathing was concerning them so they insisted he was wheeled to the ambulance instead of walking which he wasn’t too impressed with.

He text me to let me know he was waiting for the ambulance then understandably I didn’t hear from him for over an hour. I spent the entire time unable to concentrate on anything, constantly checking my phone for an update. Eventually Alex let me know he had bloods taken and had ‘things put all over his chest’ (ECG) and he was scared. I tried to distract him whilst he waited, chatting about a documentary I was watching on the London Graveyard’s by London Liverpool Street Station.

After some rambling back and forth he eventually got his results. It turned out Alex has a lung infection and suspected Lupus. He called me as he walked home, struggling to breathe. Hearing him so vulnerable, crying from the pain, being so scared alone was horrible, I just wanted to be there and give him a hug. He was given antibiotics for the lung infection and his NHS number (At last!!!!) so he can finally register with a GP and get a referral to a dermatologist to confirm the suspected lupus.

The two major symptoms are joint and muscle pain and an extreme tiredness that won’t go away no matter how much you rest.

Rashes, depression, anaemia, feverishness, headaches, possible hair loss and mouth ulcers may all be part of the pattern of lupus.

Noticeably, whilst the two major symptoms are invariably present, people with lupus can differ greatly in their symptoms and how the illness can affect them – life-threatening for a few, very mild for some.

We are all extremely worried about his health, he has had all the symptoms that point to lupus for a while now. This worried me just as much as the lung infection. He is my baby brother and I hate that I couldn’t be there with him. Not having a car is becoming more and more stressful, things like this happen and I’m left helplessly worrying instead of being there to look after him. I’ve always tried to look out for my baby brother, I remember holding his tiny little hand through the incubator for the first time. He was so tiny and fragile and spent a long time in NICU so when he finally came home I couldn’t leave him alone.

I fed him & changed him as a baby, I taught him his first words, how to read and write. He learnt his first colours from a song I made up with a row of coloured teddies over his bouncer. Red teddy, yellow teddy, green teddy, blue! He may be my baby brother but I guess in a way he’s always been my baby too which is why I’m so protective of him. To me he’s just like the girls, he’s a huge part of my world and I always feel the need to care for him so times like this are extremely tough.

Brother & Sister forever

Alex and I had an unusual childhood, he was in care from 7/8 years old but this has never stopped us having a strong relationship. We have only lost contact once for a few months when I left home and went into a women’s refuge, I didn’t have any contact details for him but eventually we sorted it and contact resumed. When I had Eva he had been sectioned and was in hospital after several suicide attempts. I knew I had to jump in some how and bring some normality back to his life so I arranged home visits, had visits from Social services etc. to ensure our flat was safe for him.

Since then we have kept in regular contact and gone through a lot together, I know he almost see’s me as a mum to him too and with him not talking to ‘her’ right now means I am pretty much all he has, knowing that and not being there was so difficult. We were brought up to avoid Dr’s and Hospital’s, terrified that anything and everything would end in needles.. no wonder I had a needle phobia! Knowing he was sat in the same A&E room where he sat as a child being told off for having a broken leg worried me, he’s also overdosed several times and ended up there too. He suffers from PTSD and I was terrified this would set him off but distracting him did seem to help.

Going forward

I’m hoping the antibiotics help and his lung infection goes away. I’ll be focusing on getting over to him as much as I possibly can over the next few weeks to help get him registered at a GP. We also need to get his referral for a dermatologist to find out if he does have Lupus and what we can do to keep him as healthy as possible. Lupus is extremely complicated and Alex is understandably terrified as he has no clue what’s going on. He’s had so many of the symptoms that it really is worrying but I intend to look after my baby brother as much as possible!

Have you ever been in a similar situation? Do you know anything about Lupus that may help? Please do leave a comment if you have any experience with Lupus.

My Medication Review

My medication review was this morning. Knowing I have pain clinic next week I decided I really needed to focus more in my mental health. My anxiety has been through the roof lately and I’ve struggled to brain.. a lot!

I was completely honest about how I’ve been feeling and I was basically given 2 options.

1. Be referred to a psychiatrist so I can be put in stronger medication as I’m already on such a low dose. (Something I’d prefer to avoid if possible)

2. Refer myself to the therapy centre above the surgery.

I decided to go upstairs and refer myself for therapy. I recieved a call later in the afternoon going over how I feel, my symptoms and my mental health history. Once I had finished the questionnaire the lady suggested referring me for CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy).

I panicked but decided I need to do something because I hate struggling so much. I hate feeling like I can’t do anything right and I’m useless. I hate not being able to go out without panicking. I hate being invited somewhere and feeling like its just out of politeness. I want to enjoy things & believe in myself a little bit more. I know it may not help fully but if it can calm me down even slightly I might not be such an anti-social stresshead!

I spoke to my brother about it this evening and he told me he went through a CBT course and mentioned it made him feel patronised at first but after a few sessions it did help change his way of thinking. I’m hoping it can help me too and I’m also glad for the heads up as I think I might have struggled to continue if the first few sessions don’t seem to help.

I now have to wait for a call when an appointment is free to start the CBT. I’ve no idea how long that will be but I’m hoping it’s not too long.

As I said I have pain clinic on Tuesday too. Whilst the Gabapentin has helped massively I am still struggling. I’m still feeling those electric bolts through my legs, pain in my hips & back. Now it’s getting much colder my ribs hurt too so I need to bring all of this up and see if they can suggest anything that may help.

I’m quite exhausted after today but I’m glad in between all of it I still managed to join the Mr & Izzy at the pub. Our favourite pub is always quiet & we know the regulars. Sometimes I do mire than smile politely and say hi too. Today wasn’t one of those days but it was nice to be acknowledged and left alone to enjoy being outside of these walls.

I now want to hide away for a few days though. It’s been a very hectic, peopley, emotional day with too many phone calls & talking to ‘important people’. I’ve gone over a lot of my past in a 20 minute phone call which has left my head hurting a bit aswell as admitting my crazy is getting too crazy.

I decided to write and publish this before I decide it isn’t worth it as I usually do but now I’m off to curl up and feel sorry for myself because I hurt all over and feel so cold!

Have you tried CBT? Did it help at all? I’m honestly quite nervous about it all and would love some feedback!

I Just Can’t Brain Some Days

Do you ever have those ‘I can’t brain today’ days? I do quite regularly and it can be very stressful.

My mind wanders.. I’ve no idea where it wander’s to at times but I just can’t focus and feel useless. I find myself just staring blankly at things. Sometimes the smallest of things causes it, other times I just wake up like it.

I struggle to word, I struggle to write, I struggle to adult, I just can’t brain at all. I’m aware of what’s going on around me but struggle to interact. I’ll be scrolling through twitter but have absolutely no idea what to say or if it’s ‘ok’ to comment on something.

It’s frustrating and I get annoyed with myself but I just have to let it pass and try to ride it out. My chest hurts and I have awful dizzy spells. I struggle to interact with people and probably come across a bit moody at times because of it. Some days I just can’t brain and figure out what to say or do. I stress about having to do anything.

The last month or so has been full of ups and downs for me, as I’m sure it has for many others so I’ve been struggling to brain a little more than normal. Forgetting to go to my medication review and running out of tablets for a day or 2 knocked me a bit but luckily I braved a phone call to my GP surgery. I was quite distressed on the phone to my GP surgery where I had missed an appointment but the receptionist could obviously tell. An emergency prescription was arranged to be collected from the chemist around 11am which the Mr got for me. I was also booked in for my medication review which is tomorrow!

Even though I managed the call and everything turned out ok, my chest still hurt when I put the phone down. I still had to try and breathe slowly to try and keep myself calm and stop everything going fuzzy. I hate feeling like this and not being able to stop it.

I’m jumping at everything, something falling, loud noises, something moving near me unexpectedly. I feel stressed at the slightest of things, a mess, something I’ve forgotten, feeling lazy when I’m in so much pain I neglect the few things I need to get done around the flat. The worst part is knowing it is all so irrational. I get so frustrated with myself for it which just makes things even worse and I just can’t brain some days!

Do you struggle to brain some days too? How to you manage it?

 

I can't brain today

 

 

 

Back To Normality After Christmas

After a hectic few week’s thing’s are finally getting back to normality after Christmas. I’ve been much quieter than planned on the blog so thought I’d write a quick catch up post. We had a brilliant one this year and were on top of the girl’s presents thanks to starting early and picking up a few bargains along the way.

The lead up

 

The lead up to Christmas was very busy especially with the Mr painting characters on the walls for the girls including Olaf (don’t mention the body 😉) , Gingerbread man  and an elf! The girls absolutely loved them and I personally don’t want the gingerbread man to go!

 


There was plenty of last minute buying and panicking about the Mr’s present which luckily a very good friend (you know who you are!) helped me out with. So the Mr at least had a few beers to go along with a top I bought him instead of nothing.. good job really since he got me a Microsoft Surface 3!!!! Admittedly I still feel guilty & going to order him another box of beers for him next payday from Beer52, as I said I would for Christmas but ran out of time!

Santa visit

We visited Santa with Alex (my brother) on Christmas eve again this year. Carrying on the tradition we started last year. Although I forgot to pre-book so we had almost a 2 hour wait it wasn’t too bad. We chatted inline with a mum and her son Oscar after we watched him so she could grab McDonald’s for them to eat whilst they waited. They helped keep the girls chatting to stop the boredom. We also took pictures with the big bears that came round to entertain those queueing. The girls and Alex also ended up with a HUGE stash of candy canes as they all had to go and Izzy was being cheeky and cute haha!

Christmas Morning

 

Christmas morning we had a 30 min wait for my brother to arrive. Well once the girls were eventually awake the Mr and I were up rather early so it wasn’t too bad! The girls couldn’t wait to see their Uncle Alex and make sure he joined in. They all opened their stockings then took a quick break to eat some more chocolate before moving onto bigger presents. They were all over the moon with their gifts which was lovely to see. My jaw was on the floor though when I realised my blogging life was about to become a whole lot easier. Thanks to the Mr buying me a Microsoft surface pro 3! 

Normality after Christmas

We had a delicious Christmas Dinner cooked by the Mr with all the usual yummy stuff! We all ended up in a food coma and wanting bed quite soon after! My brother spent most of the day saying how happy he was and how the day had given him a sense of normality and family life. It was brilliant spending the day with him and spoiling him along with the girls. He joined us again to see in the New Year and again couldn’t stop saying how happy he was. It’s really hit him how well he has done over the last year. He’s turned his life around with a little bit of help and knowing he does have family who really do love & care about him.

Coming to an end

So all in all it’s been a fabulous time but as always very tiring with all the running around & cleaning. As the holidays came to an end Izzy was quite ill and had a few sofa days. Eva began to misbehave quite a bit over the last few days which has made me feel quite low. Luckily she is back to school today and normality has returned.. fingers crossed so does her good behaviour!

How was your Christmas? Are you relieved to get back to routine or wishing it was Christmas every day?

Things I’m Looking Forward to in 2017

It’s time to look at the things I’m looking forward to in 2017 having looked back on 2016 and what I had looked forward to for 2016! I don’t do new year resolutions, diets, quitting things etc.. but I hope to achieve at least half of the list below

2017

1. Continuing to grow the blog – I’ve learnt a lot over the last year and got chatting to some absolutely awesome bloggers! It’s lovely to see so many bloggers willing to help each other and I hope I can help other bloggers too as I grow. I’ve put a lot more time into the blog this year and plan to put even more time & effort in over the coming year. Plus with the Microsoft surface pro 3 the Mr got me things have become even easier!

surfacdpro3

2. Attend a blogging event! – I know.. Even with my anxiety I want to attend an event even just a small one & meet a few bloggers even though the idea of actually getting ready and going terrifies me! 🙈😂 After meeting Martyn I really want to meet other bloggers especially Tracey (my online mummy 😉) amongst others!

martynandboys.jpg

3. Organizing a Mad Hatters Tea Party for Eva’s 7th birthday! Having seems Alice in wonderland this year Eva wants a crazy tea party sooo much and I’m determined to do that since last year wasn’t as great as planned! If you have any tips let me know!

a-mad-tea-party-alice-1

4 Help my brother find a job. It’s something he’s been wanting for a while, he’s worked before & was a supervisor in a pottery factory for quite some time so he is more than capable we just need to write him up a good CV and build his confidence a little more.

5. Continue learning to crochet! I’m slowly getting the hang of new stitches and tend to make up most of my patterns as I go 🙈 but it works and gives me some time to myself & a cool way to come up with gifts!

6. Do a lot more with the girls,they’ve missed out on a lot due to financial restrictions and my health & mental health getting in the way. I want them to get out more and have lots of fun!

7. Have at least one night out with the Mr child-free. It’s an extremely rare occurrance so I’m determined to get out for an evening and have a meal and a drink alone. Aswell as the Thurrock beer festival of course! 😉

8.Watch more films with the girls! We are slowly working on this as I’ve not seen a lot of the well known kids films myself haha!

 

Wht are you looking forward to in 2017? Do you have any goals or resolutions set?

My Year In Reflection 2016

I decided to write my year in reflection after a tweet from Martyn on my ’10 Things I’m looking forward to in 2016′ post and decided to do what he suggested and see how 2016 went.

Looking back on 2016..

1. I did have my steroid injection’s back in march and after a week of hell I had 2 good weeks, so it was decided this wasn’t enough. Instead I started on Gabapentin. Whilst I’m still having bad days they do help massively!

2. The Easter holidays went well but unfortunately with my back not improving and my anxiety & depression becoming harder to cope with, I wasn’t able to take the girls out to do much. There were few trips until out until the Summer but we did replant Eva’s mini rainforest from her weekend box!

3. We went out for a lovely meal to celebrate Eva’s birthday this year with friends as we couldn’t quite manage to cover a full day out but she enjoyed herself and had decided where to go etc. I was quite stressed with my ESA assessment being booked for Eva’s birthday so I had a pretty exhausting week.

4.The summer holidays were brilliant and we did manage a few days out to place like Wat Tyler Country Park and Southend On Sea as well as attending some local events like the Big lunch that is held at Grays Town Park once a year.. which I took a ton of pictures of then forgot to blog about it!

5. Izzy had a brilliant birthday at home with a few close friends visiting and we celebrated my brothers 21st too. I eventually managed to escape for a few drinks a few days after my birthday too!


6. I have spent a lot more time with my brother this year. He has gone through some huge changes and I am so damn proud of him! There were times I wondered if we’d reach the point we are at now but he has completely turned his life around. We now see each other 6 times a month minimum having Family Dinner’s with him once a fortnight. We are slowly turning his flat into a home and he is slowly getting into a routine with everything and some days adults better than me!

7. Although I’ve pretty much given up on the knitting I have had a lot of fun learning to crochet this year. Starting with headbands and bags, dolls clothes & now blankets and a new project in the works. I have to say I feel really pleased with myself for this, it’s something I’ve learnt that is calming & gives me a bit of me time. I also feel a sense of achievement each time I finish a project, especially with the girls reactions!

8.  I think it’s safe to say I have slowly grown the blog this year. I’ve moved from .wordpress.com to .com. I’ve also just found out my DA score has gone from 1 to 16, 2 months after moving over. I’m not entirely sure how DA works but I’m told it’s a good first jump so I’m happy!

9. I have definitely managed to work with a lot more brands and had a chance to review some awesome product’s. Also testing out apps like Mobicip to help keep the girls safe on their tablets. The Mr even got an awesome box of beer from Beer52 to review just before Christmas! The girls got some lovely books and the super cute Itty Bitty’s too!

10. Although I have learnt to manage my pain much better than this time last year I do still struggle at times & over do it.. I guess that’s something that won’t change. There’s always something going on and it doesn’t take much these days for me to over do it unfortunately!

Did you get to do any of the things you were looking forward to in 2016?

 

Relentless Accident & Eva’s New Scarf

I had a Relentless accident last week.

Knocking a full can of relentless all over my wool (new & used) and all over my latest WIP’s.

I felt devastated and angry, upset and annoyed with myself. I had ruined Eva’s scarf and all the wools Izzy had chosen for her blanket..

Some of you may have seen a little bit of my melt down on Twitter. I was having one of those moments when you turn into a child again screaming & crying and blaming myself for being so stupid for having a relentless accident, not only did I lose my WIP’s & wool but an entire can (minus one sip) too!

Luckily the lovely Tracey from Hooks & Dragon kept me chatting, giving me tips when I was thinking about washing and drying it all & helping me calm back down. I went from a screaming crying mess to just a sad one!

Eventually between my meltdowns and stomping around to try and find a way to fix it all the Mr suggested I just replace all the wool instead of trying to clean it. To anyone else they would have just said yes but me? I went off again about how I couldn’t do that because it costs MONEY! You know, the thing I seriously HATE spending. especially if it’s on stuff for me.

Eventually I gave in.. after all it’s technically for the girls not me since I’m making thing’s for them!

 

A few days later I finally managed to get out and buy a few new balls of wool.. I only picked up four colours as I figured I can pick up one or 2 more each week until I build my stash back up again.

A relentless accident means new wool

One of the balls was a replacement for Eva’s scarf. A pastel, mostly pink multicoloured wool from the QD Paintbox range. I love how it works up and can’t wait to get it finished!

Eva's Scarf

What do you think so far? I’m considering adding something on.. Maybe a flower? Any (easy) suggestions??