Having A Carer At 27 Years Old

Having a carer isn’t something I expected to happen at 27 years old. I suffer from Chronic back pain, Sciatica, Depression, Anxiety & apparently (yet to be diagnosed) PTSD.  Due to my ESA being refused after 2 years receiving it, we have had to look at other options. I simply can’t cope with a tribunal, talking to strangers, going through my weaknesses yet again. It is honestly soul destroying, my mental health isn’t at a point where I can fight a battle like that.

For the first time in almost 8/9 years I felt suicidal again. I genuinely felt my family would be better off without me. I  thought about facing a tribunal but because I know it will be a struggle to attend, explain myself & I didn’t want to put the whole family through several more months of stress. Instead we have had to look at other ways to get by & as part of that, the Mr is now officially my Carer.

Having a Carer
Photo by lalesh aldarwish from Pexels

My Carer

Anyone that knows me well will know the Mr has been caring for me fully for the past 3-4 years. We never made that official on paper but it has been the case since Izzy was around a year old. I began to struggle to lift her, the pain would cause me to lose my vision. Things got worse & I know me fighting it & trying to appear healthy did more damage. It took a long time for me to accept I couldn’t manage a lot of daily tasks.

The Mr has done so much for us over the years, kept me going during my lowest points, making sure I take my medications, book & attend appointments, reminding me I have to eat at least twice a day, helping me up, chores I can’t manage, shopping, school runs & so much more that it makes sense for him to finally be my Carer on paper. I often joke about being useless without the Mr & it’s completely true, we’ve had our ups & downs but as my health has declined he has gone above & beyond to help me any way he can.

A Shock & Relief

Receiving the award letter was both a relief and a slight ‘oh’ moment though. As I said to the Mr, ‘This means you’re officially the adultier adult!’. I panicked slightly then, realising I had fully admitted I need help & a carer for at least 35 hours a week. It’s one thing having that help, it’s another seeing it written down on paper.

Once I calmed down it made me realise a few things. Whilst the DWP left me feeling useless & worthless, I do genuinely need the help and whilst ESA may be a nightmare to have awarded due to the shocking state of the system, we are entitled to something! It’s been a rough 2 months with barely any money coming in so it was a relief for the Mr to be awarded & paid carers allowance. I realised I am not admitting defeat like I first thought. Instead, I’m accepting help to enable me to get through day to day life smoothly.

Daily Life

Since my ESA was refused daily life has been a bit upside down. I’ve really struggled to do anything I enjoy, including blogging; feeling guilty for letting the family down. Now we have another solution I don’t feel so bad. I know we are on a low income because of me, my mental & physical health but knowing the Mr’s help is now at least recognised I feel a little less like it’s all on my shoulders. Knowing we have some kind of income other than my PIP is a huge relief. Even though I make it difficult because neither of us can work, I feel a little better. It’s tough being ill, it’s even tougher asking for & accepting help but I think in a way I will find it a little easier to ask for help now & not just from the Mr.

 

 

DIY Daddy

 

 

11 comments

    Sounds like the powers that be do not want to make it easy for you. You have lots of friends here online and with you Mr being as super as he clearly is, things will be on the up, I'm sure. x Dave recently posted...Comment on Finding time for myself by DaveMy Profile

    Dave | 3 months ago Reply

      That is very true! They don't like to make it easy on anyone it seems, I'm seeing so many going through the same. Thank you, I do have some awesome online friends & a fab Mr so fingers crossed! :) x

      RelentlesslyPurple | 3 months ago Reply

    I'm pleased you got the answer you needed. I know Ken has always done a lot to help and support you but when it's someone you love you just do it don't you. There comes a point though where accepting extra fincial help is nothing to be ashamed off when things are difficult. When working is difficult. I hope things start to improve now x

    Hannah | 3 months ago Reply

      Thank you, I'm so grateful to Martyn for suggesting applying for Carers! Thank you lovely, it's tough when your illness is 'invisible' to the outside world but it's a positive step :) Will definitely be over to bother you all regularly now ;) xx

      RelentlesslyPurple | 3 months ago Reply

    Oh do not get me started on the state of DWP! I'm glad that you are finally getting some money into the household and getting help from the Mr who sounds like an angel!

    Rachael Stray | 3 months ago Reply

      They are a joke aren't they :( So many people are left struggling & it's sickening. I'd understand if I didn't have YEARS of medical evidence but they ignore it all. Thank you x

      RelentlesslyPurple | 3 months ago Reply

    This sounds so tough ,for both of you. I'm glad you feel able to ask for help though , sounds like you've really been through the mill . Also sounds like you have a lovely supportive partner which must be a huge positive ! #thatfridaylinky Daydreams of a mum recently posted...Not so family friendly..My Profile

    Daydreams of a mum | 3 months ago Reply

    I think it was incredibly brave to post that, well done! It's good to see things are improving again finally too. (And the DWP quite literally suck the life out of everyone, so you're not alone there ;p)

    Mike | 3 months ago Reply

    At least they have finally realised you need help thinking of you Thank you for linking to #Thatfridaylinky please come back next week Nige recently posted...Shorts, Dresses And Sunshine: My Sunday PhotoMy Profile

    Nige | 3 months ago Reply

    I am sorry to hear of your pain, physical and emotional. And I am glad to hear that you have your Mr at your side, all official and tidied up. Do take care, and know, even though we are online, we are friends and we care about you! #ThatFridayLinky xoxo Lisa Pomerantz recently posted...The Saturday SimchaMy Profile

    Lisa Pomerantz | 2 months ago Reply

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